What's on Your Mind?

How did I get here? There's that song by the Talking Heads, "Once in a Lifetime". When I was younger, I listened to that song hundreds of times. I would work at the Starbucks by my house and they would have promotional giveaways, "Buy a coffee and get a cool CD!" I used to go to work with my head spinning. I would see heads talking at me simultaneously with psychedelic music playing in the background. It was such an old, cheesy, 80's song. It was all I knew at that time. It's amazing how years later, that same song has a profound impact on me. I often ask myself,

"How did I get here?"

The truth is a long, complex, and sad story. The truth is a beautiful, heart-warming story of vulnerability and courage. The truth is, my fear of love and love of living are constantly at odds with each other.

I still can't believe I'm living in Japan. I'm so conflicted living here. I'm so confused living here. I'm so unsure of my values here. I'm questioning my integrity here. I'm living a dream here. I'm lost here. I'm torn here. I'm happy here. I'm excited here. I'm ostracized here. I'm wanted here. I'm frowned upon here. I feel so alive here.

I'm SO alive.

I'm from the west coast of the west. I came to the far east of the east. In the past year...

I've stood a girl up on Valentine's day. I've called a girl I love while she's having sex with another man. I've made strangers and lovers alike shed tears. I've been lost going home. I've been fooled. I've been mislead. I've made mistakes. I've felt foolish. I've had my heart broken.

But I've been in love. I've had amazing success. I've discovered a career I enjoy doing. I've eaten amazing food. I've learned hundreds of words. I've mastered my time. I've honed my craft. I've prepared for a triumphant return. I've grown into a responsible man.

I'm not done. In November, I'll leave Japan. I'm not sure where I'm going, but I know I like going.

I dance. I sing. I cry. I smile. I learn. I love. I'm never bored. I feel everything. I feel SO alive.

With, or without you, her, him, you, her, HER, her especially, and definitely you. I'm so ALIVE.

From Commerce, Bell Gardens, and Cudahay to Nuevo Casas Grandes and Morelia to Monterey Park, East LA, and Eugene. Pelican Bay to Wayside, Calipatria all the way out to Osaka, Shinjuku, and right here to North East Tokyo in Saitama, Japan.

I'm living. I'll see you soon.

Boulder Heavy Lies

Lost my phone. Lost contact. It's okay. Where I am is where I need to be. I know this. I think you do too. I'm so selfish. I keep all the good writing for myself. I don't take pictures with shy ones, and if I did, I kept it. Truth, not Voodoo. I want a girl who's into photography. Who's not afraid of the truth. Who's not shy. Who understands, feels, hears, and sees me for what I am. I've come a long way. She needs to know that. I've come a long way. I want the truth. I don't want any voodoo involved, but if there has to be, let it be on my side.

Whoa.

I'm in Japan.